It took a day to stop the headache from crying so hard to be able to even attempt to write this.
It took a day to pull myself together to start having coherent thoughts again.
It took a day to walk through the past week and accept the events and the parts I played in it.
It’s going to take a lot longer to get back to normal.
But the one thing that always comes to mind is to move forward, as nothing good comes from standing still longer than you need to get up.
What’s Next?
Every Second Counts…
If you’re going through hell, keep moving… Onward, forward.
Yes, these all come from TV shows, but the message resonates as true as any other literary work or story I’ve had the chance of experiencing. From childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, to being a father, to being a husband — it all has moments like these where you have the choice to stay down or get up. It’s how you manage these situations that shows your character and resolve.
However, the first step is getting up.
Which brings me back to our four-legged family member who I’m still waiting to come into my office and insist on getting petted.
Almost 10 years ago, I made Wendy mad by twisting her arm into letting me get a second dog. A family in town had a litter of boxer puppies — the dog I’ve always wanted, but never thought I could afford or honestly deserved. At the time, I was really in need of something that would give me unconditional love. Don’t get me wrong, my Rosey was still my running partner and a great pup, but as illogical as it was, I wasn’t going to accept any other answer than yes to this one. So Matt and I went and got him.
In yet another situation, I greatly underestimated the value of that decision.
Over the next 9 years, I didn’t have another dog — I had a constant reminder that no matter how hard things got, at work, at home, or in my own head, there was always Jarvis who wanted to see me, because no matter what, he was going to be standing there next to me. A living, breathing example of love and loyalty.
He was always insistent that he needed love and attention. He would seek me out through closed doors or anything else to make sure he got his mandatory affection. Sticking his head through my desk chair arms to rest his head on my lap. Standing in between me and Wendy to make sure he got his dues before anyone else. Never missing a chance to be close to anyone in his pack.
As crazy as it was — and as much of a pain in the ass as it could be for us — his loyalty and protection came next. During those years, I spent a lot of time at work trying to build a life for my growing family. I really did have peace of mind, and there were plenty of unfortunate examples that proved he would die protecting the girls before letting anyone get close to them. I always apologized for it and feigned remorse, but I’ll also admit I didn’t want it any other way. He very much was doing the job I couldn’t for a while. So it was worth a couple broken windows and a few other scares.
You are only as good as the support system you have around you. Most think of the people in their life — family and friends. Jarvis was every bit of that as well.
All the way to your last moments, you wanted nothing more than to stand next to me and stare into my eyes. You were in the last room you’d ever be in, with your own body shutting down on you, lungs barely working, still coming out of the sedation from the operation that showed you weren’t going to make it. When I got up to get the others to say goodbye, you still got up and tried to come with me. It took Lily holding your collar to keep you from leaving.
Then watching you go — fighting for breath, looking at me for some sign that it was going okay that I couldn’t give. That’s something I’ll never forget.
You left too soon. We had more to do.
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